If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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