Umm I'm too high to move.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
