youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
