theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
