I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
