READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
