I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
