My liver just broke up with me...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
