One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
