I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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