so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
