I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
