i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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