I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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