Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
