There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
