I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
