I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
