it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
