The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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