but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
