We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
