My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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