Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She announced her abortion via fbk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
