It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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