Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
