I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
