Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
