dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
