I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
