this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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