God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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