The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
