Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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