hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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