i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would fuck him just for his dog
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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