when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
