Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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