my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
