Pants 0. Shit 1.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
