I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
