my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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