Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
