Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
