porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
