I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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