And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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