i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How external is "for external use only"?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
