i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
