mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
