Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
