I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
