this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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