I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
