i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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