I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
