I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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