saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
