When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
