Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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