pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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