You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
